I’m sitting by the living room window basking in the sun, next to Bean.
He has been enjoying the sun all morning.
He was not alerted by my presence, barely opened his eyes to greet me as I sat down.
Trust is a softened state.
Nothing is tense.
Trust is welcoming everything and enjoying them as they come.
Trust is exposing my soft spot and not worrying about getting hurt.
Do trees get ‘hurt’?
Oh yes, they get struck by lightning, some die.
Or the strong wind from a hurricane, branches broken.
Or being eaten by insects or animals.
These are physical wounds.
Trees don’t get ‘hurt’ in their spirit.
Because trees know they are just part of a big cycle.
No, they are the cycle.
A tree is the manifestation of just one single stage.
They know they are more than that.
They are also sunshine, rainwater, wind, birds that rest in them, squirrels running by.
I guess to really trust is to understand this.
Our place in the whole scheme of things.
If I’m not fixated on preserving “me”, or what I believe is “me”,
If I realize everything is part of me,
I am not afraid to get hurt.
What’s the difference between “me” and “I”?
me comes and goes, like clouds in the sky.
So why don’t i trust “me” can be the best “me”?
Because i try to control my course of life, i try to see what i can be, as if a tree can choose its shape and size, what direction it grows into.
Sure, but the tree did choose, no?
It chose its seed.
However, the seed doesn’t dictate the organic growth.
That’s the wonder of life.
What is my seed then?
I have to trust.
Trees don’t ask questions.
They just grow.
I, too, need to grow to realize my potential.
I have to trust in myself and in time.
A Japanese tea tree is going to grow differently in New York than in Kyoto.
But it will always be identified as a Japanese tea tree with learned eyes.
It can never grow outside of its innate nature, its programmed tendency and potential.
It will never become a Maple no matter where it is or how it is planted.
Trust the nature in me.
Life is not about growing into a certain height or size, but discovering my own unique nature, allowing it to bloom and flourish on its own.
I have arrived at the moment where I realize I am not the same as the trees around me.
Their strategy do not work for me.
I can either figure out my “group”, however distant, and learn from them.
Or simply trust the nature in me, and outside of me, trust that I will find the best way to adapt to my current environment guided by my instincts.
Actually, I can’t learn to grow like a Japanese tea tree in Kyoto either, because the strategy that works for them might not work for me here in New York.
The conditions are different.
Since I decided to be planted in a different area, since I decided to grow away from my clan, I can only listen to myself.
I can try different strategies and see what works for me.
Or come up with my own original strategy – my body knows what’s good for me.
What about my mind?
Mind is the internal growth, body is the external growth.
Body and mind both change, with time, with experience.
True intelligence lies within my heart.
Only heart is constant.
It is open, soft; it welcomes all experiences.
It gives space to all that comes my way.
Trust is listening to my heart.
Allow my body and mind to be shaped by the experience.
The optimal strategy is one with the least resistance.
September 19, 2023 / Tuesday Sunny / 64F